The feeling you get when a clogged toilet finally flushes,has got to be one of the greatest ever. There’s that moment where you go from totally normal to “ohfucknonono!” as the water rises and threatens to overflow. Your mind is instantly overcome with thoughts of literal shit all over your floor and how cleaning it will be the worst thing you’ve ever endured. Your entire body is gripped with pure and utter panic as you start praying to any supernatural being that might have plumbing related super powers…until you hear that magical sound of gurgling shit-water half-assing it’s way down. The joy and relief felt at that moment has got to be better than heroin. If heroin felt like that,everyone would be addicted and they’d prescribe that shit in place of Valium and Prozac. I say from now on anytime you need to describe something as feeling really good,instead of saying “it’s better than heroin” we should say “it’s better than watching your huge turd finally go down your toilet.” It’s both more accurate and relatable. Not everyone has tried heroin but everyone knows what it’s like to fear you’ve broken your entire plumbing system with your bowels.